Today is TTTS Awareness Day. It is stunning how many obstetricians are uninformed about this condition. Number 1 thing to find out if you are pregnant with twins, is the chorionicity ie shared or separate placenta. If shared (monochorionic), go to the TTTS Foundation and follow their checklist.
Some of my memories, I can see them just as if they were happening now. Sorry this is so jumbled...it's much like my mind is.
We squeezed our 8 week ultrasound into the doctor's schedule on December 22 so we'd be able to give the grandparents an ultrasound picture for Christmas. The doctor saying 'it's only one', which is what we fully expected. The uncertainty and confusion when the doctor left the room and brought another doctor in. Seeing 2 heartbeats on the screen. The excitement and fear of finding out we were expecting the twins I'd always prayed for. The concern when we were told they couldn't find the membrane, but the excitement of knowing they were identical (another answered prayer) because of the membrane issue. The disbelief from the first few people I told...especially my sister. Coming home and reading the very scary information on the internet about momo twins. Aaron's fears that they'd both be girls. The fun of planning for twins and picking out their names. I think the girl names were decided on within a week of finding out we were having twins. For the record, the names were Kathryn Elizabeth and Madelyn Elaine. Seeing the hysterical reaction of Aaron's mom on Christmas Eve.
Going to the specialist at 10 weeks (the first of many visits) and still not being able to find the membrane, but hearing their heartbeats for the first time. Going again at 12 weeks on January 22 and getting the wonderful news that the membrane was small and wispy, but there and then the following 4 weeks that were the only breath we'd get throughout the journey. The excitement of the 16 week appointment on February 22 to find out gender and the smile (and relief) on Aaron's face when we found out they were boys, and the devastating diagnosis when the doctor came in that our boys had TTTS.
Coming home and contacting the TTTS Foundation and having an entirely new scary topic to research. Having weekly and then twice-weekly ultrasounds. Having a good appointment, followed by a bad and the continued roller coaster ride. Drinking Boost, all day long. The support of family and friends. The nerves on the days of appointments. Getting our favorite ultrasound tech, who would give us the best pictures and tell us we needed something good from our appointments that were so often filled with bad news. Sending out email updates with fluid numbers and weight estimates. Naming our boys. Picking Evan's name because it means "God is Good." Reading message boards and crying when babies went to heaven.
The ride to the hospital and feeling Evan kick for the very last time. Laying in the hospital bed and the nurse trying to get the monitors to pick up both heartbeats. The ultrasound that showed just one heartbeat. And, then my memories get fuzzy. I know snippets, but much of that has been filled in by others who were there.
I do know for certain that Evan is alive and well and waiting for us. And, I know that, as Evan's name says, God is Good.